Trigger warning: Mention of suicide

Last year, I had suicidal thoughts, I felt weak; emotionally and physically. My body seemed vacant and my mind felt like a crazy place. I’ve never experienced this before, this is what made it scarier. The fact that life could be so fulfilling and be hell the next is scary. I thought about death a lot. I thought about killing me or the people around me. Then I look at people around me. They had big smiles, loud laughters and a willing spirit. I envied them. Why couldn’t I be happy again or happy like them? I felt disgusted that I was sad and couldn’t come out of it. I felt less than human. But, one thing I do know is that I try. I always do. I see tiktok girls who end their lives because they couldn’t go on. I know even everyday people ending their lives and I know they’re not weak. They’re strong for fighting so long. I hope I never reach the end of the road where there is nothing but immense darkness and pain. When you reach the end? There is no looking back. I hope someone reads this and I hope someone realizes that life is a beautiful thing. Life is precious and special to you. You can and will overcome this.
Maybe you will never experience this and maybe you will in the future but always remember that trying is better than doing nothing at all.

-Anonymous