I bore your shame

I Bore your Shame
I didn’t regard myself as helpless but I carried heavy shame
I was married to your perceptions
Tangled in the mirror of your ideas
Wanted to draw strength from you 
I groveled for your compassion
Your safety 
I thought somehow you would have known that me being a victim of grief, trauma and depression, somehow that would mess me up. 
Make me less likely to bear your judgement, 
Your hate! 
I had you on high ground, 
I regarded you on a higher level. So I thought you would know better but I suppose being a mere human like me made you subject to misjudgment and so I took you off the high pedestal.
It freed me!
That was how I found my strength, my place of belonging
Now I know that no mere human can give me the gifts I am capable of giving myself.
So slowly, I removed your tangled ideas from my frame
I picked myself from the dust of expectations and drafted a new path, paved with a different perception the one I had tossed aside, the same one I had rejected and traded. The perception that is mine.
So I pushed pause on the carnival of misery that was going on in my mind and carefully set out to heal my shame the same shame I had denied while running after your compassion. 
When you called me all the names you had for yourself and melted me in a description that resembled how you walk, how you talk, even how you move
Your projections!
I realize that the heavy shame I carried was yours not mine
When I tasted real compassion, real kindness
I grew to tolerate your inconsistency but that dead look in your eyes still made my skin crawl.
Because the ashes from your past scold and burn my feet
Your mesmerizing inconsistency landed me flat on my face 
It proved that indeed, you are no savior at all, You are not reliable, hence my dependence was flawed.
I flew away far into a new horizon, wiped them tears and healed my brokenness

The sky gets grey and the birds in the distance gather to fly home in the late hours of the evening
Days like this cause me to reminisces and realize that I am a champion because though I suffered, I bore your shame
I bore your shame. 

This piece is for everyone who have been through the people pleasing trap and is finding their way out of it to self acceptance.

-Anonymous