Trigger warning: Mentions of suicidal thoughts

No one knows but these days, I don’t care about dying. I don’t care bout leaving this world and not getting to find out whatever good it can give because I just don’t care. I don’t care anymore. I have faith but that doesn’t mean me being here has to feel good
Coz it doesn’t
And you know
I kept thinking I’m okay but I’m really not
I’m still messed up but nothing I can do about it

I keep
Fooling myself into thinking I gotta look on the bright side to be happy and just focus on the good but…it doesn’t make me okay.
It probably keeps me from getting worse but I’ve never actually gotten help so all of what happened in the past is still
There
And it still affects me!
Even more than I realize…

And you know
For my own sake
I try to see the good in my family
But these memories make it so hard for me
And they’re convinced they didn’t do anything wrong
Because they’re putting the blame on me .
One time, my aunt blamed me for the unthinkable
And then she blamed me for everything else that’s been going wrong and I pretty much wanted to starve myself and die but I had a friend and he wouldn’t make that happen so it didn’t.
Props to him

It really hurt
Because she was the last person in this house I expected to treat me badly
And then
She only got worse /:
Also
When I bring up that night
They call me a liar /:
I feel like such an inconvenience to everyone.

-Anonymous

Suicide helpline in Jamaica: (888)639-5433